A steroid detection kit designed for practical use by parents to use on their kids is now available in Australia. The kit, known as “steroidconfirm”, has been available in the US since June 2009. With this kit, all the parents have to do is force their kids to urinate in a cup or (believe it or not) take a sample of they kid’s pee out of an un-flushed toilet. Oh, and then bottle it up and send to the lab in a prepaid envelope of course.
This kit was designed by a San Diego based biotech company called Confirm BioSciences . This company also sells kits called HairConfirm which are meant to test good old fashioned recreactional drugs like pot and cocaine in hair. [Don’t you feel nostalgic for the old days when kids stuck to getting stoned for kicks instead of hanging out in seedy gyms and health food stores?]
According to their website the kit utilizes LC/MS/MS technology, which is the state of the art analytical technique used by Olympic drug testers. I am a little confused as to what they test for however, since a press release claims they can detect “up to 17 different anabolic steroids” while their website claims they test for only 11 anabolic steroids. Yet even that is apparently not true since the steroids (and/or metabolites) they list as the ones they test for are somewhat redundant and/or ambiguous.
» Stanozolol (Winstrol)
Take for instance the listing of noretiocholanolone, nortestosterone, and norandrosterone. These three compounds are all indicators for just two anabolic steroids – nortestosterone and norandrostenedione. Now take hydroxyetiocholanolone and hydroxyandrosterone. It is not clear what they are talking about here although my guess is that it’s either 11- hydroxyetiocholanolone and 11-hydroxyandrosterone or the corresponding 6- isomers. These would be indicators for adrenosterone (11-oxo) or androst-4-en-3,6,17-trione (6-oxo). Or it could mean something entirely different. Who knows?
Anyway, in addition to the amibiguity and redundancy of the list there is also a striking absence of many commonly available steroids such as trenbolone, methasterone (superdrol), and methenolone (primobolan). Not to mention many other more recent “over the counter” designer steroids that are just a click away on the world wide web.
I don’t know what the real story with this home drug testing kit is. Maybe they test for a lot more stuff then they let on about. But if it were my kid I would not even bother with this test, as taken at face value it’s a very incomplete assay. In fact, the overall competency of the company seems questionable after reading the website. But then again, maybe the scientists behind it know what they are doing while the website folks are idiots. Ya’ know, I can relate to that (just kidding Roger).
So my bottom line is, don’t test your kids using something like this. I suggest instead you practice periodic surprise raids of his bedroom at unexpected hours of the day. You will not only be more likely to get to the bottom of what drugs your kids are doing but you may perhaps be giving them valuable experience for later in life as well.